you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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