is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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