Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
