FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
