the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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