i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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