You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
