Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
