I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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