Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
