if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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