Dude my mom stole all your condoms
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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