what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I think people are normalizing furries
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
