You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
