We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Couch. On fire.
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