I want to walk on stilts...naked
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
