I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
