Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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