rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
