So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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