Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
