yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
