Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
