I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
