you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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