What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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