the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
