I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
