the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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