it was like eating out sand paper
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
