4 words: hood of his car
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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