Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
