just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
