He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
