Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You ruined the universe
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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