he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
