I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
