my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
