the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
