I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize