u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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