Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
