i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
