How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
