FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
