Dual....:-)
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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