This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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