Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
