Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
