I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
