I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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