did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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