So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
