"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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