I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
