that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
love makes seman taste better
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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