he wants to bone in the snuggie
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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