and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
