had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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