then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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