i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
