you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
