You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
