Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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