You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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