She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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