You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize