After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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