i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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