Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
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