I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
