Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
