Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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