Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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