it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
