he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Your cock deserves a montage
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
