some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
