Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize