remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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