I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
