come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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