Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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