I'm so fucking centered right now
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Houston, we have a blender
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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