she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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