I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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