He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
