I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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