I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The air taste purple.
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