first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
