is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
