And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
