You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
