If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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