I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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