Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
