Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
