(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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