Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
