FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
